August 25, 2013

b]Random POF tips[/b]: located at the end:-)

[b]The “Drama” Factor[/b]: …if stress is stress, whether positive or negative. Drama is drama, whether doubled over in laughter, or crying. The only times I scream at people is if they don’t hear me or they are in danger. In that case I am possessed by a different creature, you will not know me, but you WILL obey me without question.  I have been known to both laugh and cry—controllably enough to excuse myself from public display. For some reason I equate "passion" and "excitement" with drama. Therefore, because I breathe--you can expect some drama from me.

[b]Hygiene?[/b]: I Generally bathe or shower at least once a day, apply deodorant, brush teeth at least 3 times a day. Usually wear makeup; but not heavy—in my opinion. I have an iron and ironing board. I hate wrinkles in clothes and in life.

[b]Entertainment[/b]: Lately it is all outdoors and observing people.  I rarely watch tv. For one thing, I no longer own one.  I do not object to sharing this activity if you have a TV.

[b]Sophisticated[/b]:  Not in lifeSTYLE. Perhaps regarding life. (actually, I am a bit vulernable--but so are most individuals I have met or thought of meeting).

[b]Cultured[/b]: Not in the way of wealth, but in the way of people

[b]Manners[/b]: Oh, mercy. I can embarrass myself. Coming out of a 25 year marriage and basically treated as a room mate; I may seem like I have no upbringing at all. I am NOT accustomed to having doors opened or chairs pulled out for me. I can be re-trained, however. Now, pleasantries--I have down. I grew up with Please, thank you, excuse me, using sir and mam. I enjoy greetings for arriving and parting. Mostly chew with my mouth closed. Please don't ask me questions just as I take a bite that must be chewed:-)

[b]Use of names[/b]: Please refer to below subtitle: baggage:-) Please occasionally call me something, whether its Suzi, or an acceptable term of endearment or affection. Please, just don't go years without addressing me by some sort of pleasant name. To continually not address me makes me feel that you have forgotten who I am, or, you don't care. In either case--[b]why[/b] would we still be together?

[b]Baggage[/b]: Enough that you will know I have lived. I generally don’t harp or dwell on anything unless you bring it up. Right now my biggest baggage is debt that I willingly took on from divorce. I am working on that. The only way that it should concern you is if we develop a closeness then I need to make a work related move.

[b]Moving[/b]: My next Field Interviewing assignment will likely begin sometime in October/November. This assignment is in the Mississippi Gulf Coast.

[b]Relationship Hierarchy?[/b]:
1. Hanging out – to kind of get to know each other in a natural, stress free environment.  “Hanging out” would hopefully  be a lifelong “thing” should a relationship develop. To me, hanging out is participating in activities we do normally—like walking the rim for me, light hiking. Go for a drive Maybe cooking a meal together if you have a kitchen (I don’t). If we get as far as “hanging out”, I obviously trust you. Hanging out is—when you have time and you are doing  something  like fishing, walking, riding, chores—you might ask me if I wish to join you. If you are near to me, I might ask you if you would like to join me for a walk. Its not like a date, but a meet up to share some time doing the same things.
2. From hanging out we should know if there is potential for romance and/or friendship (friendship is not to be taken lightly)
3. If there is not potential for romance—maybe we can be good friends and still occasionally hang out together. Companionship is good.
4. If there is potential for romance, then it becomes very important for a match in lifestyle and spirituality.

[b]Love[/b]: There is many different kinds of love. It is easy to love humans. Sometimes we make loving each other more complicated than it should be. Romantic love, or the enduring, committed, exclusive— I will love you passionately beyond the confines of death—seems to be the Love that eludes many of us – we suspect it does exist, somehow it is “out there” waiting for the discovery, the match up. When we meet, finally, there will be a recognition, an ease that replaces awkwardness, the first kiss is natural, we have no doubts that we want to spend time with each other.  We may become immediately exclusive. We may shock some observers…What? You just met! It happens. Actually, it happened to a couple of my POF contacts with other women. I served a useful purpose and it is ok. By discovering what you don’t want; it is easier to recognize what you DO want.

[b]Unique Factor(s)[/b]: Different combinations of work influenced me a great deal, particularly the Field Interviewing assignments related to Katrina Recovery and the Deep Water Horizon Disaster. Recovering from a Traumatic Brain Injury influenced and effected my early adulthood alot, ALOT. But, all is well now:-) . You may find I am naturally grateful for a lot that most folks take for granted. For example... well, don't have time for that. Let's just say that walking, enunciating understandably, and understanding--should not be taken lightly.

[b]Music[/b]: Blues, Soul, Inspirational, Easy Rock, Some country, some Jazz.

[b]Pets[/b]: do not have any at present; but I have nothing against well cared for well behaved pets. As a matter of fact I could usually use a pet fix. My favorites are horses. It’s a draw between Cats and dogs. I usually develop a friendship quicker with dogs than cats.

[b]Spiritual Beliefs[/b]:  Christian, Trinity, Providence

[b]Attributes of THE Special, Long Term, Exclusive, Committed Relationship[/b]: I think spiritual harmony is important, sharing worship contributes to closeness. Day and Night people--well, my experience has not been pleasant (see subtopic: baggage) with me being a gungho, full steam ahead--early riser and my past significant other generally woke up grumpy. I spent a lot of time alone and generally had accomplished a lot by the time he arose. Just sayin--it makes a difference. I can't sleep in as a general rule.

[b]Random POF tips[/b]: If you are not happy with your POF results, check your settings--including your mail settings. I discovered one of my best long term friends ever when our settings at first rebuked each other. "'... does not wish to talk to you, and is not looking for what you are looking for. Return to your inbox."

It All Starts With a Profile (Don't Panic; Someone WILL like you)

*Note: The following spoof profile is not an example to follow. The most common comment I received from members was, "...I read the WHOLE thing."

I tend to change my profile and my user name. A POF member asks, "Why changes?" My answer--"because I can".

There is so much interaction between the real world and the cyber world that change is constant and sometimes should be acknowledged. Sometimes a member comment altars the way I view myself and others.

Because I was experiencing some personal insight into the way the POF programming works, I began to share that to help members are drawn to my profile. This may be why I get so many positive comments--my profile isn't just about me.

Now, your POF "About" section is quite long, but obviously limited. I found that when I ran out of space, the bottom or ending lines would vanish. Thus my reason for moving my core profile here, undoubtedly, I will keep adding to it. Then, soon-the core profile would have dropped off into an oblivious uncaring cyber graveyard of thoughts.


04/17/13:
Oh, did I say you may want to see if your mail settings complement your "what you are seeking" settings? If they do not complement you could end up sending a contact of interest to time out back in their own inbox.
04/17/13: Shhhh. Behave. I am creating a new blog. PS: To make sense of my new POF Style you need to read earliest date to present.
04/17/13: Barriers back up. I am happy with the distractions I have:-)
04/17/13: Yesterday's insight under construction. I'll get back with you.
04/16/13: [b]Tip for the Day;[/b] Check your settings!
04/16/13: Indeed, it has been enlightening taking down some barriers created by my own settings.
04/16/13: [b]"“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”[/b] ? Rumi
04/15/13: *Note: I changed my contact preference to anyone. I am not gay or bi-sexual, simply interested in the perspectives of both sides of the fence. Plus, I may be able to help some of my POF Male friends discover a worthy contact they may have missed., [b]plus[/b], maybe I can help my soon 2bx find [b]his[/b] Soul Mate.

**I removed age restrictions. This should be a lot of fun; LOL.
***I should have added I am not a wealthy divorcee. I left him everything and took the bills.
****There are some things I cannot change about me, even if I try real, real hard. I am very research oriented. So expect a lot of questions from me. If you can't handle it, don't contact me. Actually, I have had so much fun here at POF I am thinking of making  on-line relationship sites my specialty. Tax deductions for 2013.:-)

[b]Today's Tip[/b]: Did you know you can change your POF user name? Well, Yes, you can. Some of you should:-) Your user name is first impression! If you are not getting the attention you think you deserve--maybe start revising at your user name. .. just an opinion; but this comes from a woman who changes things just because she can.

Folks, really. Read the profiles:-) As one male POF member carefully explained to me--Separated is married until you're divorced. Well, OK--then. By paper, I am married. So,Silly--if you specify must NOT be married, do you [b]really[/b] think the POF screening system will let me contact you, even if you have told POF you want to meet me?

So--my conclusion is that it is likely that all of us have some folk that could be interesting and add enjoyment to our lives that we prevent from entering our spheres by criteria, or screening them out. I even have selected "must not be married" in my own profile. Isn't that a hoot? How about this, "Judge as you are judged".

I would say my most unbendable criteria for me is status and drug/alcohol consumption. I prefer a non-drinker as compared to a social drinker. But at times I wonder if I am eliminating some really good men. Then, I discovered it depends on my objective. If you are a long distance POF PAL, or, If we were just hanging out, it wouldn't matter. If we were in a closer, long term relationship, it would matter to me.

I prefer single/divorced, or as is my case--separated divorce pending by days. I understand that there are more people in my circumstance. It is sometimes too easy to be judged by others who may think I shouldn't even be here because of my status with the technicality of paperwork. Well, gentlemen, I have paid my dues.
Plus, I am not a wanton, promiscuous woman. I could claim my POF membership as research and deduct it at tax time. I remain a hermitess, although a much better informed hermitess than before my POF membership.

However, some of my best friends ever are members in the separated category. They each fulfill different parts of my personality that perhaps a romantic match could not. (a spiritual-business coach, a writing coach/mentor, and then, just some great guys who actually discovered their soul mate and it wasn't me).

If I am looking for a true match in companionship, I believe I deserve it. Life is short--I want to meet my soul mate before its too late to enjoy time together.

That being said, you may think it a double or confusing message as far as my intent. Sometimes living life in the here and now requires one day at a time rather than focus on a future, end goal. So, I tend to focus on what I believe is possible and probable. I do believe I can match up with a compatible companion. If that happens, then it is very probable and possible that a long term relationship may be in the future. I am not focused or even considering remarrying at this time; I need to cleanse,heal, and rebuild--which is probably why some members [b]avoid[/b] separated and newly divorced members. So, who knows? None of us are guaranteed another breath. We can be judgmental, or we can help some recover if we are Providentially designated to do so.

Speaking of Providence. I believe in God. I believe in the Trinity. Nothing would please me more than matching with a male who loves the Lord and will be [b]happy[/b] to be by my side in church attendance. (I prefer a fully upbeat Praise and Worship service) (Did I just screen out the rest of you:-) )

Hey, this is an opportunity to totally be ourselves. We have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. The few who make it through our screening criteria ... well, it should at least be a fun, nonstressful stage 1 beginning.

[b]Music[/b]: Soft, slow: Ballad, C&W, Jazz, Blues, Rock. I bumped into "Spotify" via Facebook sometime back and enjoy playlists that I created by mood. So, if you are a spotify member, we can exchange music selections and playlists. I don't know if Facebook Friendship is required to do that. So far, I have not experimented in that manner.

[b]The Unique Factor[/b]. If I have not already demonstrated this, let me add: I think [b]Field Interviewing assignments for Katrina Recovery and Gulf Coast Horizon Tragedy[/b] contributed to my uniqueness; or my uniqueness contributed to the studies.  Its like I have hundreds of people, male and female, from the wealthy to the poor, urbanite to reclusive back country residing in my brain.It can be a good thing though because I picked up a lot of resiliency and survival tips.

The other huge contributing incident to my "uniqueness"--a 1975 car accident that left me in a coma for about 3 weeks. I know something about the comatose state that few people do--it was very scary. I appeared unconscious. Yet there was some action going on in my brain. I remember images, but I didn't know what anything meant. When I woke up, I didn't understand what car wreck meant, or what mother, brother, friend meant, or what a hospital or nurse was. I figured out what paralyzed meant when It tried to get out of bed and kissed  the floor. If my attending Neurosurgeon were alive today, he would be quite amazed.

Really--, let's not call it a date. How about a get together, a meeting...Horseback riding, walking, bowling, attempt skating, concert, church, or, something else. No, I don't go for Social Drinking, or a few to loosen up. So if I don't drink and refuse to go to bars--we need to be a little creative.

PS: Some POF Questions Don't give the write answers. I like kids. My kids are now grown. I would reject a male for being much younger than me, but not because he is a single dad. Single Dad's Rock--A good dad is a sexy man:-) ok, enough of that.

PS: I do not currently have pets, but I love all kinds of animals. Pets share some attributes with children. You don't have to own them to appreciate them. I can admire and communicate with the pets and children that reside with someone else.

I don't drink alcohol, smoke pot, do illegal drugs or any drug other than caffeine, ibuprofin. But, for someone who "doesn't do", I have a sense of humor. Don't really know what kind it is, but when something strikes me as funny I laugh loudly, boistrously and can't stop. I get the uplifted eyebrows and usually you can't help but join me and we will laugh til tears roll down our cheeks.

Think I'm kidding? It happened to me once while working Friday deadline at a newspaper. There was about 20 of us, working intently, typing and talking as quickly as we possibly could. Then, deadline is over. A spooky quiet falls over the room. I look around at my co-workers. We all seem to be frozen. Eyes wide open. I looked at my deskmate across from me and started laughing. No cause. Just laughed, Loudly, as my boss often chopped my reviews with. Then those nearest me started laughing, It spread. Most of us had tears rolling down our cheeks. But what kept the laughter going was the stupid looks on my co-workers faces who realized they were laughing and hadn't a clue what they laughed about.

PS: If you need a girly-girl, fashion show plate...keep looking. I still am part tom boy at heart. Give me a good tree to climb, baskets to shoot,  IF we go dancing, let me get some boots cause I sure am not wearing heels. I don't do artificial nails, although I tend to keep my fingernails clean and clearly polished. No full body tan from the tanning booth, I usually get my vitamin D fix from walks in the sun.

I dress for the occasion, however. (Recently, I have lacked occasions to dress up). I tend to wear mid-calf classic style attire. Sooo, Dear if you are looking for the high heel miniskirt--I grew up.

Hey, I think I've picked up some writing style from reading male profiles. Tell it like it is, screen most out, invite them to leave, then entertain the few brave remaining souls...Its a Great Day to be Alive:-)